Declaration Zero One

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury:

I sit before you, calm and collected. I am here to set forth a declaration: that all toenails are created equal. Please divert your attention to Exhibit A. As you can see, there seems to be a strange anomaly in the brainwave frequency in my head. Exhibit B: earlier, when popping my ears, I would feel an extra pop in my right ear. Coincidence? I think SO! Ladies and Gentlemen, I have apprehended the dastardly deviant responsible for this debacle. It is, without a doubt... MYSELF! It would appear that I have caught myself on the verge of creative and merrymaking disaster. The waves have been stacked tall; tall order. Please, feel free to contribute your input on any of this. I may only find solace in the comfort that is to be held with the direction of information. Be wary, there was an accident on the information off-ramp. We are currently repairing the damage. No one was hurt, thankfully. I often speculated that if one were wild and quixotic in their youth, they were destined to become tamed and overly practical. Alas, therein lies my own folly! It is more than apparent that I am slipping into the drudgery of mundane behavior. Such a crime against the imaginative intellect shan't go unpunished. Henceforth, the rate of randomness and indiscriminate information shall be increased tenfold. I will not stop until every last one of these monotonous swine are swept from the crevices of my own cerebellum... or is it cerebrum? Hm. I cannot be entirely sure. If anything, there is about a 45.9947292 % of assurance in the previous statement. Fear not, there will be no charges placed; such behavior, though unwarranted, is not entirely unexpected. Let the biscotti run alongside the maladroit kerchiefs as they stroll the isle of complete bliss and insincere awkwardness. There was an elephant in the corner of my brain, but not anymore. My attendant was sure to off him away with the sweep of a broom. I have been away for far too long! Unchained and irreparable, I move onward to higher and brighter glory! Any of you who wish to join in this escapade are free to do so! I implore you! I beseech you! Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy via the milky and the way. The milk shall submerge the way of galaxy! Fantastic! Long live the free land of milk and honey!

Sincerely,

M a t t  G a r c i a

Status: Equilibrium

P. S. - I feel fantastic. Period. No debates, just solutions to your latest pink flailing lard. Or would you prefer to typical, the usual, the sensational teal flamingo? Your move.

L